why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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