I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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