he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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