Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
