took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
