All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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