i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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