idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want her autograph on my taint
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
