I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
