Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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