i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
