I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
