I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
