did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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