i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
