hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
