They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
