first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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