using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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