im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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