We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
