I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
