if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
