why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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