I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
