I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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