Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
