Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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