Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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