i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
