This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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