I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
