That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
