I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
