Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
