Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
