I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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