I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
