Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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