where am i from again
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
