I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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