When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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