i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
our cab driver is having phone sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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