You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
