I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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