You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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