it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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