It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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