you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
