You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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