Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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