oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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