CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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