Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
