I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
