and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
