All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
