Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
