I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
